22 February 2012

One is enough

Before we had Joy Joy, it never occurred to me that the differences in caring for a young infant can be so great across generations. In fact, when i knew that grandma was willing to take care of Joy Joy when I returned to work, i trusted in the arrangement and was happy about it. Until I saw for myself what "take care" means to Grandma. Parents in her times simply didn't have the concept or nurturing their young, all they do is give them the basics and get by. I can't bridge this gap at the moment although Daddy doesn't seem to think that it's an issue. It can only be solved with willing communication and mutual learning. Which is totally lacking. Because of our huge egos.

We don't have the living space for one child, much less another. A child needs room to play, explore, learn and most importantly, sleep in. And a home should have space to house it's member's belongings. For example, I would like a space for Joy Joy to have a play yard without feeling like I have stepped on a land mine because it is seen as something that would clutter up the house in a household that is obsessed with cleanliness. It can only be solved when we get our new place. I am waiting eagerly for 2015 but can only hope not to be disappointed by other issues when we finally have our own place.

Most importantly, I don't think we have a good environment for a child to grow up in. I don't want my children to grow up in this environment. Always bickering. Always penny pinching. Backstabbing. Gossip mongering. Believing in old wives tales. Not understanding the joy of life other than going through each day "behaving" herself in the traditional way. Always having to find some way to convince / satisfy others about why it is right or wrong to do something and being subjected to all sorts of funny opinions, some factual, some conjured out of imagination on all sorts of things. Being forced to live in the past, down to measuring units, when the future is already here. Having opinions forced down your throat. I don't know. I feel depressed living this way. It's like my life is over. This one can't be solved.

So one beautiful baby is enough.

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