31 October 2011

2nd time (Part 1)

After I discharged from hospital, I experienced backache and dizziness which comes and goes. Once the dizziness was so bad the room was spinning. I was nauseous unable to stand up even with Daddy supporting me. I also felt bruises to the left side of my tummy which hurt whenever Joy Joy kicks / moves around there.

My review with the Gynae on 21 Oct reveals that the orange pill (adelete) they put me on to reduce contractions is likely the cause of my dizziness since it lowers my blood pressure substantially. The ache on my left side increased whenever I lifted my left leg but the Doctor insisted I walk more.

We had dinner with Tan Bear Bear and C last Sunday and I felt backache from just sitting down for that 2 hr meal. It hurt to the extent that I had to stand up towards the end of the meal.
Come Monday, I reported at KKH again. Complained of a backache
L but they found my left hip very swollen. After lying more than 30 minutes in the delivery suite on my back for the usual monitoring, there was excruciating pain on my left side, I couldn't move.

Doctor on duty examined me and the flipping over was so painful my eyes filled up with tears and my palms sweated badly. Seeing the swollen hip and the pain i was in, the Doctor suggested an X-ray. And when I asked about the effect of X-ray in Joy Joy, she said "Baby at 35 weeks is unlikely to be affected by X-ray anymore since X-ray only affects baby's development" she says. "There is almost zero risks involved".

On her advice, I agreed. And was wheeled to the diagnostic imaging department in the bed i was lying in. I asked the lady who was to do my X-ray again, on the effect on Joy Joy and she said something different. "We can't give you a percentage but risk of affecting your baby's development is small. Although there are still some risks since the rays needs to pass through your abdomen.". I asked to please be wheeled back to the delivery suite and refused to sign the consent form for X-ray.

Back at the delivery suite, a bone doctor came to see me. He asked me if I could walk, I said I think I can manage to limp but don't think I can exert pressure in my left side. Both doctors discussed and suggested that I be admitted.

Daddy, who came during his lunch time, told me to go ahead, although I preferred to rest at home. He attended to the admission procedures whilst I was left in the delivery suite, lying with a small pillow under my back on my right side for the next few hours. Strapped to 2 monitors and no food since 9plus in the morning when I first got there. Pity Daddy was not allowed in the Delivery suite.

A nurse finally remembered me and asked if I was hungry. I nodded my head vigorously whilst my left palm held on to the right railing of the bed to reduce pressure on my left side. She said she would try to find some milk and biscuits for me and she did. Warm milk and biscuits.

I was wheeled to the ward in my bed and then 3-4 nurses at the ward used the patslide to transfer me to my bed at the ward. Never felt more immobile in my life.

Daddy was late to go back but he stayed long enough to ensure I was properly settled, passed me his portable battery for the phone before leaving to return to the office. "Bye bye kitten, I'll come and see you again after work. Call you when I get home so that you can tell me what to bring for you" he said. Planted a kiss on my forehead and left.

I was miserable. Hate to be admitted. This time round it was worst, I can't even go to the toilet on my own, they gave me a bed with full side railings, so each time I need to pee I have to press the call bell for then to release me from the bed and help me to the toilet.

The nurse who was in charge of orientations me did a really bad job. She told me about the visiting hours, meal times, checked my name and that was it. No change of clothes, left the remote for controlling bed adjustments AND the call button out of my reach. When change of clothes finally arrived, when helping me to change, she yanked my top off and pulled at the shorts I was wearing with all her might, causing me to cry out in pain. After that, she simply threw my things in the side drawer and didn't bother to close it properly:

I was starving hence asked for food. She didn't check that I had gestational diabetes, brought me a very sweet chocolate muffin and sweet milo, I requested for the biscuits after that because I couldn't take the muffin:

After all that happened in the morning, I was exhausted and finally, without realizing it, fell asleep after having some biscuits with plain water.

Grandma on Mummy's side came and brought me dinner in the evening. Cod fish with green leafy veges, ikan billis and apportioned rice because she knew I couldn't take too much starch:

The hospital food went to poor Daddy again when he came to see me after work without having dinner coz he had to rush home to get my things. Grandma kept the hospital food in the bento box used to bring my food so that it is kept warm and hygenic. The food is not bad actually although Daddy's expression didnt say so...

Before he came, a huge hamper was delivered to me by the Company and poor Daddy had to lug it back home.

The nurses were stricter with the visiting hours and Daddy had to go soon after he came.

Back home, Daddy sent me a video to cheer me up. I won't upload it for fear that he would murder me but it helped immensely to make me feel better in the hospital.

Not much rest for the night either because I needed to wake up to pee or the nurses woke me up to take my blood pressure / give me medication etc. I only had about 3-4 hours of interrupted sleep.

25 October 2011

Cord blood banking

After the accident, I realised I need to move fast in terms of some remaining to-dos I had been thinking about and one particular to-do that is important to me is to volunteer to donate Joy Joy's cord blood.

When I was on the labour bed last week and the mid-wife asked me what I want in my labour, I mentioned to her that I want to donate Joy Joy's cord blood but she stopped for a while before informing me that its likely to be too late. To donate, you need to go through counselling and a very detailed interview to ascertain your suitablility plus they need to review your medical file to ensure that the cord blood is safe for the public bank, before the donation is possible.

The reasons that motivated me to donate are:

(1) Patients who have an immuological disorder can't use their own cord blood for transplant in times of need because the blood also contains the same genetic defect.

(2) Cord blood units collected may be too small in quantity even for transplantation by a child, much less an adult.

(3) The idea of using cord blood is hypothetical. You are banking on a hope that science will advance to an extent that your child may be able to use their stem cells for illnesses what your child might possibly have that could possibly be treated with stem cells transplantation.

(4) There are controvasies on ethical issues and whether, in the first place, commercial cord blood banking should be offered as an option. Cord blood banking is illegal in some countries.

(5) High costs of private banking (> $14k fir the initial year and $200++ for each year thereafter), although you can use your baby bonus to pay for it.

(6) If Joy Joy ever really need her own cord blood and it is still available in the public bank, she can use them for free. Siblings can use her cord blood for $2-3k as compared to $300k or more if you were to require other's cord blood from the public bank.

(7) With the same amount of money from the baby bonus / CDA plan, we can get a good health insurance plan for Joy Joy and enrol her to good / more expensive educational institutions before she reaches the age of 7years old.

I am not a medical professional and there are pro cord blood banking opinions but I base my decision on whether the research make sense to me.

I had an appointment with the Gynae and dietician last friday and took the chance to get the donation procedures / interview all done, just in case. It was not difficult / time consuming at all although they asked a lot of questions, first a prelimnary interview over the phone before scheduling a consultant who would counsel us in person and obtain my written consent (not sure why Daddy's isn't needed).

For now, we appear to qualify as cord blood doners and I am glad. Now it remains to be seen whether enough units of stem cells can be collected form Joy Joy's umbilical cord. And I would have to "donate" 3 tubes of my blood after birth as well. The above being said, they will get you to affirm your consent in the labour room. So, for whatever reason that may arise, I still have another chance to say I disagree to donate Joy Joy's cord blood.

Can't think of any at the moment except the idea of a Lotus Birth, which advocates the idea that blood from the placenta should be allowed to flow slowly to Baby and the umbilical cord only cut off when no more blood is present (usually in about 2-3 hours). It is supposedly a more peaceful transition for baby with some medical benefits. I'm still researching on this and i'll asked the next Gynae what they think about it before making a decision together with Daddy (who is likely to freak out I'm guessing). I've asked our previous private gynae about it but for some reason can't remember what her response was. All I remember was that she managed to convince me that Lotus Birth might not be beneficial to Joy Joy at all and could present risks of infection. Maybe I'll check with Daddy what he remembers..

Trauma & Guilt

For some days after the discharge, I keep seeing replays of the few seconds before we crashed in the accident.

And the tears just kept flowing for no reason. Sometimes I'd know that tears are flowing sometimes I don't, like what happened in the above picture. I only realize it when the tears started to roll down my cheeks and my hand caught a drop of it.

I didn't realize that I was this traumatized by the accident.

But I think it's also guilt. I don't seem to have protected Joy Joy well. Although she's living in me and everybody says mummies have an instinct on how their babies are feeling, I can't tell at all how she's doing. Did she get hurt in any way in the accident?

The medical care I received at KKH didn't put my worries at ease. I had to ask for the scan to check my water and placenta myself, the doctors I saw didn't seem to deem it necessary with the exception of the one I saw on for my lastest Gynae appointment after the accident.

In fact, the scan form didn't even state what scan I was to go for, causing us to have to go back and forth to various clinics on my last appointment. I am really not terribly happy.

Finally discharged

We fell asleep but it was torturous. I was in dilemma, pillow between my legs or pillow behind my back? Back was aching like crazy but if pillow is not between my legs I feel like I'm squeezing Joy Joy.

In the end, it was pillow between my legs and rolled up receiving blanket behind my back:

Daddy left it for me to use when bathing, coz I hadn't had the chance to pack a towel. Good thing he did.

I had a total of about 4 hours of sleep before being woken up by the nurse again to take my blood pressure. Normal she said.

Then the doctor came to see me. "Anything you want to let me know?" she said. I was barely awake and really couldn't think / forgot to mention the very tense muscles at the back of my neck and a freaking bad headache. I only complained about feeling a bruised tummy, it hurts whenever Joy Joy moved. She said she didn't see any bruising and told me I need to be monitored another time in the morning. If the contractions stabilize, I could discharged if I want to, maybe in the evening. Of course I said I wanted to and I asked if I could go in the morning. The hospital stay wasn't very restful although I am extremely grateful for the aircorn.

I tried to sleep after the doxtor left but heard my phone vibrate shortly. It was Mummy's aunt. Her night shift just ended and she asked if I wanted any breakfast. I said no need but she was so kind to buy me hot soybean curd with soybean milk. Sugarless. It was so good to have that on a cold morning. So good.

Whilst I washed up, she informed the nurse about my neck and head and the nurse said I should have told the doctor in the morning because the doctor will not be seeing me again. I asked to see any doctor on duty anyway.

After an hour or so a young doctor came to see me. I told her about the whiplash, headache and a growing pain in my left hip. She asked if I felt numbness in my limbs.. I said no. Then she asked if I had problems peeing or passing motion.. I said no and she just told me to take panadol for pain and come back if I felt numbness in my limbs or have problems peeing / passing motion.

After that I went back on the bed to rest and wait to be discharged. I was falling asleep when the phone vibrated. Text message frm Daddy asking me what I need him to bring, then he told me he watched DVD until 7am because he was afraid he wouldn't be able to wake up. But in the end he still fell asleep.

I sent him a photo of the soya beancurd I had and another of the hospital breakfast:

"You want breakfast?" I asked. "I already had the soya beancurd, this one can give you".

No reply from Daddy so i thought he had gone back to bed to steal a little more sleep. I told Daddy to sleep more but he said he's on the way. Shortly after I got another text message:" huff huff" "puff puff" "mummy mummy"

"why?" I asked. "forgot my ward number?"
"boo" he texted and next thing was that I saw his head peeping over the curtains. Yay! Daddy came early to accompany me. 9.11 am.. If he slept at 7 he must have been really tired!

He's the only hubby who visited so early and also the only one who visited before I discharged. So proud if him:

Daddy was tired and needed to read the newspaper / use his phone / talk to keep awake. I was sleepy then and was struggling to stay awake.

Taken during one of my waking moments, reception is really not great in the ward:

Daddy doesn't want to take photos anymore:

This is a sleepy and grumpy Jiao Jiao:

It took the longest time for my discharge papers to be completed and whilst waiting, we keep hearing baby cries in the ward.. Lovely..

Such a relief when I was finally told I could go. But the doctor didn't write anything to give me a scan and there were some appointments they had not properly arranged. I had to be at the nurses' station for sometime before everything could be settled.

Lastly, finally, Daddy was able to "purchase" me, they cut my "price tag" and we were free to go:

We had lunch and did another round of pre-admission (served by the admission office that has staff with super super bad attitude consistently) before going home to concuss in bed. More exhausted than anything really.

17 October 2011

One night in KKH

When all the arrangements were made, I changed into a comfy pink KKH nightgown and was wheeled to my ward, with Daddy following closely behind, carrying all our belongings.

We were lucky to be able to get the ward we wanted. Daddy was especially happy about it and majorly proud of himself because it was a super hot night and it made him happy to know i could spend my night in an aircon room, seeing how i always suffered from the heat.

When we reached the ward and the nurses settled some paperwork, I was taken to my bed. Daddy helped me up the bed and tucked me in, checking to see if I was comfortable. When the nurse left, he kissed me on the forehead before starting to put my things in the drawer beside me.

He tested the lock and managed to cause it to jam about 5 seconds after. We stifled our laughs when Daddy told me about it. And then he confessed to the nurse when she came back to measure my blood pressure.

The nurse laughed and said no worries, she can clear it with a master key later on. She went ahead to measure my blood pressure. And then measured it again because it was very low.

She asked if I had been given any medication and when informed that I was given the orange pills to stop contractions, she looked relieved and informed us that the medication could cause low blood pressure. The nurse then asked me not to try and get up or go to the toilet on my own if I don't feel well.

After that she left the room to get the key. Daddy looked at me and told me not to worry, whatever happens I can always count on him to be around. Then he said maybe he should hang around in the hospital until visiting hours the next morning, in case I need him for anything but I know he must be extremely exhausted by then and I told him to go get some rest. "You need to rest to take care of us" I said. Daddy thought about it and agreed. "Visiting hours start at 9am tomorrow, I'll come first thing in the morning".

The nurse came back, reset the drawer and told us Daddy can't stay the night. We said ok and she left us after getting our acknowledgment.

Daddy packed my things in, checked the lock and arranged the iPhone charger so that i can reach it easily. Then he checked my position again to make sure I was comfortable before telling me he had to leave. I said ok and gave him a smile. He kissed my forehead before leaving.

I got these photos from his phone the next day. Before he left, Daddy was worried that he would lose his way the next day and so he took these photos to remind himself:

I was hungry shortly after Daddy left and I just thought to tell him. He said he was still waiting for a cab and asked if I water him to get food for me. I said no, I'd get food from the nurse.

I was texting with Cazz, talking about all the things that happened in the day when I started to feel Joy Joy moving a lot. It was late and we didn't text for a long time. I told her I would try to get some sleep and I'd go comfort Joy Joy as well.

By then the nurse had switched off the lights and I lie there in the dark feeling Joy Joy's movements. It became alarming to me when I realized that she was moving in a way I wasn't used to. As if she was struggling. I thought, maybe she is uncomfortable with my position and so I switched. But she was still kicking me in that alarming way. I decided to press the bell and call for the nurse, all the while wondering about alot of what ifs. What if she was hurt in the accident and is now squirming in pain.. What if this, what if that. They say a mother is supposed to have a feeling about what's wrong but I really just can't tell. It feels so lousy, not knowing what your own baby is feeling.

When the nurse came, she too was alarmed at the way Joy Joy was moving in my tummy. The movements were really crazy.

I was put on the monitoring devices again and Joy Joy kicked even harder. At one point, it hurt so bad, I had tears rolling down my cheeks. I also told the nurse I was hungry. She said it could be because Joy Joy doesn't like the sound of the monitoring device or that she was hungry, so we'll try different things.

She lowered the volume and gave me a cup of Milo with biscuits. Then spoke to Joy Joy, telling her not to hurt mummy in this way.. Mummy is in pain and Joy Joy finally calmed down. It feels lousy when the nurse can calm your baby down and not yourself but I was just glad Joy Joy seemed fine by then. The nurse then left me on the monitor for 30 minutes. I read the papers and was texting with Daddy whilst waiting.

When he reached home, he sent me this photo:

"All of them missed you" he said. And even my pink bedroom slippers missed my hong kong feet:

I told him about what happened just now and showed him the chart as of then:

At one point, Joy Joy's heart beat was so fast, it went off the charts. He said he would charge his phone just in case and maybe he wouldn't sleep.

I told him not worry and that he must sleep. If anything I would call him or the hospital would. So he must try to get some rest, I showed him the picture and updated him only to let him know what's going on. He said ok, he was going to bathe. I was majorly proud of him since I wasn't there to nag at him.

After bathing, he sent me this photo and said he was in bed with the aircon and fan both turned on. It was an extremely hot night and he was so comfortable at home in our bed:

We discussed the things he needed to bring the next day and asked each other to get some sleep. But, that night, I really couldn't sleep. I had to somehow try. Joy Joy was moving as usual again but this time more normally..

I kept seeing the last few seconds of the crash replay in my head but I told her not to be bad tempered like me and to think about how Daddy would be. Kind, gentle and loving, imagining this all time favorite photo of Daddy:

I stoked what I believe to be Joy Joy's back / bum whilst thinking happier thoughts. Finally.. The two of us fell asleep...

The Delivery Suite

When we've done all that we could, I told Grandpa to go home and rest and then Bear Bear sent us home with our things.

When we reached home, Grandpa on Daddy's side started telling us about the bulb of the lighting in the living room. I was exhausted and I went into the room to check on my tummy again. I started to wonder if I should go see a doctor.

It looked better now, one red line where the seatbelt was and I must have been mistaken about the bruising coz I couldn't see it now.

In the background, I could hear Daddy tell his parents that we had an accident. They blamed him for being careless and I walked out to support him, telling them it's not his fault. I was upset with them, really can't help it because just feels so lousy to have people fault find when an accidents happened. What about how lucky we were not to be seriously injured?

Daddy put me to bed and turned on the aircon so I could feel more comfortable. I lie down for some time and grabbed my phone to research on whether I should go to the hospital. What I found on the Internet scared me. I called XY but she was in Msia. Then I called Grandma on mummy's side to ask her to ask my aunt, who is a nurse at KK.

Grandma on Daddy's side knocked on the door to come in. Then she asked how I was. I said I'm fine. Daddy said I'm resting and asked her not to worry.

Daddy saw that I was worried about Joy Joy and told me to rest whilst he get things ready for me to go get a check at KK. He packed, got things ready and offered incense to his ancestors before leaving home. We took a cab and reached KK in the evening.

We went to the 24hrs admission office but was re-directed to the delivery suite because I was above 22 weeks of pregnancy.They did some quick paperwork and sent me back to the same bed I was lying in last Tuesday for monitoring. This time I took pictures for Daddy since he couldn't come in.

Monitoring devices on my tummy:

Monitoring machine:

Daddy asked if Joy Joy kicked the monitoring devices like the last time, and I said no, she was very quiet. Daddy said maybe she was hiding from the device.

But right after that Joy Joy started to move alot, kicking and having fluctuations in her heartbeat. I took a video to show him how Joy Joy's heartbeat was fluctuating:

Daddy said maybe she realised she couldn't hide from the devices and decided to ATTACK.. CHARGE... -_-'''. Anyway, one thing about these visits is that you learn how to read the charts. The top portion charts Joy Joy's heartbeat and the bottom portion charts the contractions I'm supposed to be having.

After and hour or so, I was told that I was having regular contractions (all if which I didn't feel at all) and that I needed to be admitted. I texted Daddy to tell him about the admission and he said the nurses informed him already and he would be allowed to be with me.

I was expecting to be sent to the ward but instead i was sent straight to the labour room. Told to change into delivery wear and lie on the delivery bed. They put the monitors on my tummy again and continued to monitor me.

The first time the Doctor came in, she told me my contractions are about 10 minutes apart but baby is fine. I told her I couldn't feel anything except for very very mild cramps like menstrual cramps. And my back was hurting because of the position I was in.

When the nurses, midwife and doctors left us alone in the delivery suite, an admin staff came in and asked us about which ward we want to choose. Because Joy Joy would be pre-term if born now, we were told that the charges would be very expensive if we go ahead even with the subsidized class we had chosen earlier. I told Daddy it's up to him, I am fine with anything and I trust Daddy's decision. And so Daddy went out to settle administrative stuffs.

Whilst waiting, I took photos of the delivery room:

When Daddy came back, he was wearing this:

"so cute!" I said and "oh they even put the delivery suite number on the tag". Daddy laughed and said "No wonder they know where I needed to go! I was lost just now one the way back"

Daddy then showed me the admission papers. He enrolled me in the same class we decided on before although it would cost 16k for me to deliver Joy Joy and 1.9+ k for my hospitalization fees. He dared not sign up for a private class for fear of the medical costs but he tried his best and went for the highest subsidized that would enable me to rest in an aircon ward. I told him I was so sorry to spend so much of his hard earned money.

The second time doctor came in, she said my contractions were getting closer and closer, about 2 minutes apart, although I still felt nothing. She said she would put me on a pill meant to stop the contractions. 1 every 15 minutes, 4 to be taken in an hour. I was served with the first pill shortly.

In case I was going to deliver told Daddy to try get a camera. His iPhone might run out of battery and my phone camera was faulty. Daddy tried his best and we managed to find a friend who told us not to worry, anytime we need the camera, he would bring it to us right away.

Shortly after, Mummy's Aunt, who happened to be on night shift came to see me before she started work. She gave us an Ang Bao and told starving Daddy to quickly grab a bite before the food places close but Daddy refused. I was grateful to see another familiar face.

There was a comfortable chair by my bed, one which Daddy and I spotted before in courts, but Daddy hardly sat down the whole time. He said he wanted me to be able to see him and know that he was there all the time.

We switched on the TV and there was nothing interesting on except for:

Daddy was so transfixed at the cartoon but he was still very attentive. "Are you slipping down?" "Mummy want to drink water?"

I needed to pee a few times. For the first 1 or 2 times, they allowed me to go to the toilet but after that, they said I had to use a bed pan. The first time, the nurse fetched it for us and Daddy said he wanted to help. He went to the ensuite toilet and grabbed some toilet paper. The nurse helped me on the bed pan and I relieved myself. After that Daddy told the nurse he would clean me up because he know I was uncomfortable with the nurse cleaning me up.

Bear Bear went alone to our place to grab the hospital bag I pre-prepared so that Daddy could stay by my side throughout. After which he went home to feed his dog before bringing the bag over and getting dinner for Daddy. And so Daddy went out for his first break in hours since Bear Bear can't come into the delivery suite.

Mummy watched TV and chatted with Grandma on the phone. When Daddy came back, Mummy was slipping down on the bed. He adjusted my position for me and made sure I was comfortable.

And then I had to go another time. The nurse was not around and i couldn't get off the bed with all the monitors on me. Daddy said "Mummy, let me serve you ok!". He went to look for the bedpan, helped me on it, cleaned me and even washed the bedpan by himself. I felt so bad but I saw that when Daddy was doing all that, was doing it happily, voluntarily and without any complains. Daddy asked me why I looked at him that way and asked if I feel it was very 委屈 for him to do that and I nodded my head. He told me not to be silly, as long as I am comfortable, he is happy to serve me. I felt very glad to have married Daddy at that point in time.

I just felt like tearing at that time and I did. The day felt so overwhelming with everything moving so fast. Daddy was holding my hand and standing by my bedside. It felt so comforting.

Sometime after, a nurse came in to check on my contractions and see if the orange pills had any effect. I don't seem to be reacting well to them she said seeing that I continued to have regular contractions. So I definitely had to be admitted for observation although the tests they did seem to indicate that I'm probably not going into labour.

The doctor came in and said similar things. I asked if I really need to be warded and she said it's better for me to be warded so that they can observe me properly since I'm still having contractions and not considered stablised. When the doctor left and the nurse went out to make arrangements, Daddy and I took photos.

This is the machine they used to monitor me:

And this is how long the paper charts were:

And a picture of me on the delivery bed after I got the chance to removed my contact lens and make up.

Daddy said it was so shiok for us to get a room to ourself. He said maybe we could go for A1 class if Joy Joy is not born pre-term. That would be really nice but we both worry about the cost I think.

The accident

We planned a busy Saturday, at least for a good 3/4 of the day.

JB in the morning for baby things, Breastfeeding workshop no. 2 in the afternoon and maybe a movie at night.

We set off at 9plus in the morning for JB, reached our destination at 10ish, close to 11. I looked at milk bags and Daddy looked at strollers, it's like a playground for him:

We didn't buy the stroller because we needed to think about it again and we were rushing for time.

Next we went to fix Daddy's car alignment nearby whilst we had a quick lunch. It was 12pm when we were done, Breastfeeding workshop was scheduled at 1pm in Singapore.

Daddy knows, just how much I wanted to go for the workshop and I think it was from that time onwards that the tension started to build up in him, although Mummy told him it's ok, we can be late, just remember safety first.

We were joking happily in the car but Daddy, who want as much as I do to be able to make it for the workshop, was trying his best to get to our destination quickly.

We were lucky with clearing the customs as it was lunch time but not so lucky with the traffic near our destination. It was worse than the customs jam (not sure who so smart, planned road works for a stretch of busy road on a Saturday). By the time we were anywhere close to the destination, it was already 2.30pm and the workshop ended at about 3 pm.

For some reason, I started feeling extremely guilty for not being able to make it for the workshop. It would probably take another 10mins for us to reach the location and 15 mins to get parking space which leaves us with like 5 minutes of the workshop. So I told Daddy, let's not go, I'll ask them for materials and we'll self study.

Daddy, who has been trying very hard to get us there as soon as possible, asked me again right before he switched lane to move elsewhere. I was in a sad / foul mood by then and I said :" I already told you let's not go, why are you asking me again?"

Daddy was upset, I was upset.

We travelled in another direction towards our home. Then I asked Daddy what to do with the parking coupon I had pre-prepared.

He turned towards the east towards mummy's home and said "let's go to your place for a while since the coupons are already prepared, call your mom see where she is"

And so I did. Grandma happened to just get off work and I spent some time one the phone getting her location. Seconds after in put down the phone, Daddy stretched out his left arm all the way to my left shoulder and told me "Be careful, we're going to crash"

I looked in front and saw a distance (about 4-5 seconds away) between us and a yellow cab who had stopped entirely in the extreme right lane. I saw that Daddy had already braked to the max and we were still traveling towards the cab. Next thing I saw was us crashing into the cab and smoke coming out of Daddy's car.

Daddy held me towards the seat but the impact was quite great and we both leaned forward from it. The seat belt wrapped around my tummy tightly and the car stopped moving.

I swear that the last few seconds before we crashed really seemed like it happened in slow motion. I was calm before it happened and shocked right after. And I was thinking about our car insurance. Daddy just had an accident in August and we were due to renew by the end of October.

An old uncle stepped out of the cab. Daddy got off the car saying "this time my insurance jialat already".

I saw him talking to the uncle who looked apologetic. I had s quick look and saw that damage To the cab was very minimal given the impact. Only 2 dents. They had a quick discussion and both drove away.

Daddy told me in the car that the other car was minimally damaged but our car looks like it suffered badly. I called Grandma and told her to go home on her own. Daddy drove to a carpark nearby to check out the damage.

Daddy told me to call Grandpa and ask for his help, so I did. Grandpa happened to be nearby and he arrived shortly after Tan Bear Bear, who also happened to be nearby. We took photos of the damages. Our car was quite badly damaged in front. Dented in with green coolant water dripping onto the floor. Radiator was bent in too:

And then I suddenly remembered I should go find a toilet to check my condition. No blood, no water, redness across my tummy and what looked like bruising and the bruised feeling at the area where the seatbelt held me back during the accident. I felt fine otherwise, just needed to pee. I didn't know better and felt fine so we continued to do what's necessary to settle the accident.

Grandpa gave me some water and Tan Bear Bear asked me to sit in the aircon coolness of his car whilst we waited for the tow car and cab driver.

When the cab driver arrived, I stepped out of the car to take pictures of the cab:

And we heard the driver on the phone saying :"ya, the car banged into me, 100% his fault". I was pissed as can be. Daddy and I both asked the Uncle how he could say that.

I was getting emotional at that point and I told the uncle to touch his conscience when reporting the accident then I asked him if he had any children, how could he say that. If not for him stopping dangerously all of a sudden in the extreme right lane of an EXPRESSWAY, why would we have the accident. He said there was a car which stopped in front of him too and so he stopped, so it's not his fault and we banged into him.

I was so angry and emotional from all that happened that tears started to flow uncontrollably. Daddy cupped my face and asked me to calm down. And I walked away to leave them to settle the rest. So glad that Grandpa and Bear Bear was there to help. I'm certainly not helping.

The whole day felt so lousy to me although it started off happily.

15 October 2011

Fetching water

Daddy and I were relaxing in the room, surfing the net, updating our phone software when Daddy announced that he was going to go out of the room to get some food.

Then suddenly he popped back and said there was something important he forgot to do. Sounded serious and I wondered what.

He walked quickly in and walked quickly out of the room with our water bottle:

Then he told me "Mama, I forgot to 挑水" before half skipping out with the water bottle looking like a scene out of 红头巾:

11 October 2011


I first felt Joy Joy begin to engage on Tuesday evening. It was 11 October 2011.

"Labour?! So fast?!" I thought. "10 October 2011, not a bad birth date" on 2nd thoughts. I really thought it was 10 October.

Joy Joy was pushing her head down constantly over a period of about an hour or so. I thought she was just playing but when it became more and more obvious and more and more painful each time she pushed down (like sharp pain!), I felt like I had to get advice.

I walked out of my place at work and talked to the first Mummy colleague I saw. She took a look at me, I explained what I was feeling and she said I should really go to the hospital right away.

So we went.

Her husband sent me. The pain came and go but the feeling that Joy Joy was pushing down could be felt constantly.

I called Daddy and told him I'm going to the hospital, not sure if I'm going into labour and he said "So fast? What should I do now? Which hospital should I go to?"

"KK! Which other hospital!"

"Ok, i'll go and find you now!"

I was sent to a little bed in the delivery suite in a wheelchair shortly after reaching the hospital. They put 2 monitoring devices on my tummy and told me I need to be monitored before they can tell if THIS IS IT.

Joy Joy was EXTREMELY active the whole time I was lying there. Lying down flat took the pushing sensation away and the cramps moderated gradually until I couldn't feel anymore in the end.

The charts were crazy in terms of baby movement and quiet in terms of contractions. I wasn't having contractions afterall. What a great relief because Joy Joy is just 33 weeks old, she needs another 4-5 weeks before she can reach full development. I was so so relieved although the odds of her surviving well are not low at all at 33 weeks.

After the incident, my research shows that it's common to have this happen. Baby is beginning to move into position for labour but it's not labour.. Yet!

Since then, i've had the most horrible backache. I think it's from lying down flat on my back for a long time in the delivery suite.

Sleeping is never the same again. I can't turn in bed without feeling Joy Joy's weight and being suffocated by it for at least a few seconds. But the good thing is, I fall asleep just as well. Just that i feel hot all the time. Daddy shivers in the aircon unless he gets the quilt wrapped all around him whilst I only need to cover my limbs with the quilt for fear of cramps.

When awake, Joy Joy's feet (I think) rests just under my ribcage. And she is forever stepping on my ribcage. Sometimes it hurts like hell, sometimes it suffocates me but it tells me that my Joy Joy is probably doing well to be so active.

I can't cross my legs as well, I get kicked immediately whenever I do that and sometimes, even when lying propped with pillows in bed. I think its coz I'm effectively squeezing her head at least a little.

After the incident, Daddy and I realized that we're not ready for Joy Joy's birth yet. The hospital bag's not packed, playpen / cot (kindly passed down by my cousin) not set up yet, confinement food not catered yet and many things needed not bought yet. We better do these fast.

I just can't wait to see my Joy Joy... And I cant wait to get some rest in the hospital after birth. Soon, I think!

09 October 2011

Lovely sight

Taken this morning.

For the past few days, Joy Joy has been stretching, pulling on her umbilical and kicking me so much whenever i lie down in bed.

She was especially active this morning and Daddy, in his half asleep state, put his hands on my tummy to ask her to be good.

I was leaning on two pillows against the wall, not quite awake then but I happened to look down and it was a lovely sight I had to capture.

Daddy hugging 臭臭 half asleep with his hands on my tummy to pacify Joy Joy. All the loveliest things in one picture.


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