25 October 2011

Trauma & Guilt

For some days after the discharge, I keep seeing replays of the few seconds before we crashed in the accident.

And the tears just kept flowing for no reason. Sometimes I'd know that tears are flowing sometimes I don't, like what happened in the above picture. I only realize it when the tears started to roll down my cheeks and my hand caught a drop of it.

I didn't realize that I was this traumatized by the accident.

But I think it's also guilt. I don't seem to have protected Joy Joy well. Although she's living in me and everybody says mummies have an instinct on how their babies are feeling, I can't tell at all how she's doing. Did she get hurt in any way in the accident?

The medical care I received at KKH didn't put my worries at ease. I had to ask for the scan to check my water and placenta myself, the doctors I saw didn't seem to deem it necessary with the exception of the one I saw on for my lastest Gynae appointment after the accident.

In fact, the scan form didn't even state what scan I was to go for, causing us to have to go back and forth to various clinics on my last appointment. I am really not terribly happy.

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